literally had 100 drinks last night.
4 words: hood of his car
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
