I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
