There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
