I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also, beer. Big fan.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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