well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
