Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
