PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
