Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
