I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
