Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
