Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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