apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We named our party play list daddy issues
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
