You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
