ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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