Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it