Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter

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  (305): You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter http://tfl.nu/j7mv
  Replies (1) Good night (1572) Bad night (692)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?

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  (701): Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave? http://tfl.nu/y6y0
  Replies (17) Good night (4893) Bad night (1009)
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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles

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  (276): Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles http://tfl.nu/8prl
  Replies (8) Good night (924) Bad night (4974)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.

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  (850): From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you. http://tfl.nu/tn1i
  Replies (10) Good night (997) Bad night (5015)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

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  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6898) Bad night (1025)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in

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  (778): Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in http://tfl.nu/zrr6
  Replies (11) Good night (998) Bad night (3282)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

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  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (36) Good night (6668) Bad night (1530)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.

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  (814): This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left. http://tfl.nu/p749
  Replies (8) Good night (2836) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.

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  (775): It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/xv2l
  Replies (11) Good night (2118) Bad night (1585)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.

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  (613): I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable. http://tfl.nu/pwwk
  Replies (15) Good night (2362) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?

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  (706): He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/9suz
  Replies (32) Good night (1503) Bad night (4932)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.

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  (215): If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will. http://tfl.nu/oylu
  Replies (9) Good night (1187) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.

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  (610): I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands. (908): Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful. http://tfl.nu/kbfw
  Replies (6) Good night (1138) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.

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  (215): tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts. http://tfl.nu/39iy
  Replies (5) Good night (1261) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.

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  (706): I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes. http://tfl.nu/ggf3
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (522)

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