Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (8095) Bad night (806)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas

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  (251): I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas http://tfl.nu/8b13
  Replies (10) Good night (788) Bad night (3660)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong

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  (856): i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong http://tfl.nu/5qbx
  Replies (15) Good night (6390) Bad night (1426)
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  (714): View more from California

  Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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  (714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare. http://tfl.nu/ceys
  Replies (19) Good night (1321) Bad night (6141)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.

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  (303): She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it. http://tfl.nu/nwdc
  Replies (6) Good night (2837) Bad night (844)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

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  (313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf
  Replies (13) Good night (3073) Bad night (1145)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.

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  (816): i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else. http://tfl.nu/65tn
  Replies (1) Good night (1043) Bad night (2835)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.

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  (651): I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year. http://tfl.nu/vpjz
  Replies (3) Good night (1854) Bad night (682)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?

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  (260): how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'? http://tfl.nu/cg25
  Replies (10) Good night (1507) Bad night (432)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.

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  (815): I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good. http://tfl.nu/gzj9
  Replies (6) Good night (498) Bad night (887)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."

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  (239): Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..." http://tfl.nu/k8r7
  Replies (15) Good night (743) Bad night (2285)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.

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  (817): Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount. http://tfl.nu/oq9w
  Replies (10) Good night (2004) Bad night (347)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.

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  (304): I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's. http://tfl.nu/kb4r
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (286)
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  (347): View more from New York

  My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted

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  (347): My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted http://tfl.nu/iwx2
  Replies (4) Good night (1605) Bad night (261)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.

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  (616): Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila. http://tfl.nu/3l79
  Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (307)

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