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I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You don't know the capacity of my vagina