i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
