her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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