my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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