Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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