you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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