epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
