dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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