I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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