dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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