insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
