Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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