No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
