Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Acid is not a monday night drug
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
