I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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