CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
