Where did you get a picture of my penis
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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