I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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