I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
