we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
