if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
