Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize