don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
