why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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