Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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