Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
