Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
