The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he fucked my hip out of place.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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