On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
