And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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