I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
