You're my little dorito
More tranny stories later!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
