I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
