you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
