I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my shit smells like andre
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
