ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just pee around me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
