You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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