I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.