quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents