Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
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I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.