So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again