I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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