Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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