you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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