I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
