You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
