She said her name was "party"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
