at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
