I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize