I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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